Time to chime in on the game.....................
You are sick to your stomach at 2:00 in the morning and check the back of the Pepto Bismol bottle for caloric content and grams of carbohydrates, fat and protein.
You might be a triathlete if....
· You have plenty of water bottles, safety pins, and t-shirts.
· You have trouble keeping lunch less than 2000 calories.
· You usually wake up at 4:00 in the morning but do not get to work until way after 9:00.
· You have a $4000 bike strapped on top of your $2000 car.
· You have no trouble pushing a day’s caloric intake to over 8000 calories.
· Your lawn needs rain badly but you’re mad when it does because it screws up your run and bike schedule. In fact, you might be mad but you still go out for your ride or your run in the rain …
· You’re always wet! Either sweat, pool water, seawater, shower water, bath water or its p*****g down outside~
· Your bed time reading on your nightstand consists of a pile of: DeSoto catalogs; InsideTri; Triathlete, VeloNews, USMA Swim, etc.
· You haven’t bought work clothes in two years, yet you own bike shorts made by every manufacturer under the sun and can recite the merits of CoolMax, Supplex, etc. in your sleep!
· Your car has at least one Power Bar wrapper and two sets of work out clothes!
· You know you could make a killing at Jeopardy if only the categories were:- Pat winners of Hawaii Ironman – Legs shaving techniques – 40-30-30 diet- Aerodynamics racing wheels- Gastrointestinal problems and long runs- How to justify a $4000 bike……
· Your kids’ idea of playing is a bike and run race followed by cliff bars, water bottles and awards ceremony.
· Your laundry constantly smells like if someone locked the cat in overnight.
· You leave your apartment or house in the morning with your swim bag on one arm, bike on one shoulder, a change of clothes in another bag in case you can get away at lunch for a workout.
· You look like a pack mule wherever you go.
· You wave at other cyclists, because all triathletes are friendly and if they are not, they are probably purist cyclists trying to get into triathlons and they do not know that triathletes are friendly.
· You can’t decide what tee shirt to wear to your next race.
· You no longer take vacations but weekend triathlon junkets.
· You have far more pairs of shoes in your closet than your non-tri wife does in hers.
· The only “suit” you own has a QR on the chest.
· You think about having sex, but you don’t want it to affect your morning run splits. (Or if you do, you wear a heart rate monitor and measure your recovery time afterwards)
· Your living room has the “swim pile”, the “bike pile”, the “run pile” and the “weight room pile” and you pick and choose from a cafeteria-like area on your way out the door.
· Your kitchen cupboards are organized into “protein”, “carbs” and “etc”
· Your breakfast consists of enough bagels that the bagel guy hands you a freezer bag with your order.
· You’re tempted to do your long rides in a Speedo so that you don’t have a stupid tan for your next race.
· Your bath towel is never dry.
· You bring bottled water to a party so that you’re properly hydrated for the next morning’s long run.
· Everyone else at the party also brought their own bottled water because you don’t have a social life outside of triathlon. Oh yeah, and they all showed up by 7pm and left by 10pm.
· Your company announces mandatory unpaid shutdown days – every other Friday throughout the summer – in order to cut costs and stay in business, and your response is “Great – now I can do two long workouts on the weekends and still have an easy day.”
· You buy a separate dresser for your entire race t-shirts.
· Your 8-year old comes home with the school record for the mile and told you he took it out in a nice pace he could hold… everyone else died.
· You fill your kids’ water bottles with Cytomax instead of blue Gatorade.
· You can ask your mom and your sister and all other girlfriends for shaving advice!!!
· You say that you went to a race last weekend… and somebody responds “running or biking” and you are again forced to explain…
· Your co-workers catch you with a “King Sized” meal deal from Burger King, and you can smile and tell them that you will have no problem working this off on the way home.
· You started the day with a protein shake had a scone and latte after swimming and commuting, then head out for coffee with the co-workers and have a bagel and cream cheese.
· You wear your bathing suit under your work clothes to make a fast transition from work to swim on your lunch hour.
· You name your two new puppies Kona and Hawi.
· Your RST time is cut short by training.
· The dog hides until you’ve showered.
· Your spouse wants dinner out and a movie, so you agree, but fall asleep during the previews and catch hell.
· You show up at the neighborhood pool on your bike in a Speedo and embarrass your teenage daughters.
· You’ve spent more on bikes in the last 10 years than you have on clothes for the past 50!
· Your hair is never dry.
· You were awake for the Northridge quake (4:30AM) because you were out running… and you showed up for 6AM Masters swim workout and wondered where everybody was.
· Somebody hands you a cup of water and you have to restrain yourself from pouring it on your head.
· You forget that talking about daily LSD (Long Slow Distance) and speed freak some people out.
· You have no FRIGGIN idea what to do with yourself on your off day. (Dimmit, I mowed the lawn, cleaned the house, washed the car, and there’s STILL 4 hours of daylight left! Aarrgghh!)
· You come into the office every morning and check RST before you check your email.
· You return from your *Mini-vacation* more exhausted than before you left!
· You feel like you took the day off because all you did was swim 3000 yards.
Keep 'em coming............I see a top 10 list forming for late night talk!
Greg - The low man on the tri' totem pole.
